Why do I continue to let my past define me? Why do I continue to think that every man that I date(not that there have been a lot!) is ultimately going to cheat on me? Why do I think that they are all out to get and hurt me? That it is a man's intention to cheat on me? Why do I think like this? Why can't I let it go?
I jumped to the biggest and worst conclusion tonight. I didn't stop to think that *gasp* I could be wrong. I didn't stop to think that it was not what I thought. If I lose what I love, I have no one to blame but myself. Does the saying 'the devil made me do it?' work in this case? Will that save me?
I saw a picture online of **** and another service member(the female type) with a saying of how she missed him and couldn't wait to be in his arms. So what did I think???? Did I stop to think that IF he was going behind my back that he would not be adding her as a friend with that as a picture knowing full well that I would see it? No, I didn't. I let my past and what others have done to me come back to the front of my mind. I didn't put my trust in him like I said I would. Did I not remember something? That this is the same man that, 2 weeks after we started dating and there was nothing in stone that we were exclusive, told me that he had a date BEFORE he went on it? Did I not remember that there was nothing in stone at that point and he didn't have to tell me anything like that..but that he did it because he is an honest man?? No I didn't. I let Satan grab hold of me and my fears and totally play me.
I need to remember that Satan is not playing games. That he plays for keeps. That when he slings dirt he does it to hurt and hurt hard. I can hear him laughing at me right now. I can hear him saying that he did it this time...and won. No, the ultimate win will be if **** steps back and walks from me. If **** decides that I'm not worth the trouble. That is when he will truly win. I'm praying that is not what happens.
When am I going to learn that my past should not define me?
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Who I am
- ~ Lori ~
- Single Mom taking this journey through life. Learning every day something new.
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3 comments:
Since I'm sick and may not get to see you today let me lecture you here. In the past you picked to pretty worthless men to give your heart to. If you think **** is like the two of them then go ahead and continue to act like a crazy woman because I want him to walk away if he was like those two cheating, lying, spineless jelly fishes that treated you like crap (I'll get a speeding ticket for this comment I'm sure). However, without even meeting him I'm pretty sure he's a great guy, has been nothing but honest and to be frank is defending this country and probably has bigger things to worry about right now then you being a jealous crazy woman. GET IT TOGETHER, if you need a reminder call me, stop by, text me...I'm going to kick your butt!
You've been through a lot! Sometimes it's hard to shake the past...praying for you.
I just ran across your blog... I too was a single mom 9 years ago. It took me a long time to realize that most men are lying, cheating, abusive beings. I waited a long time to finally meet someone who would treat me like a princess. And trust me, I put him through hell and the wringer. I made him fight for me! It's hard to forget about your past, but you are soooo much better off without that type of man in your life!!!
www.freedoms-fight.blogspot.com
www.mytitleofliberty.blogspot.com
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